Thursday, August 27, 2009
At the same time as this was going on, there was a long-time female reporter at the paper who pitched an investigative story about the masses of women going missing in cities across Western Canada. She was also denied by the editor.
(That editor wasn't a bad guy, either. Just wrapped up in the stodgy, limited mindset so much of the media seems to require from its members.)
A little over two years later, in 2002, a huge story hit the media. The remains of 27 missing women from Vancouver's Downtown Eastside were found on Robert Pickton's Port Coquitlam, British Columbia pig farm.
This case was just the tip of the iceberg, of course.
Sparked by the murders of two young aboriginal women this summer, the Manitoba government, the RCMP and the Winnipeg Police Service have finally formed a task force to look into the mass disappearances and murders of women (mostly aboriginal) in the province. Seventy-five disappearances in the last two decades. (Actually, 75 was the number initially reported, but it is now closer to 150 as family members have come forward.)
Again, because many of these women were working as prostitutes at the times of their murders/disappearances, had drug and alcohol problems and/or were interacting with unsavoury people, it all flew under the societal radar.
But here's Black Moon Lilith, along with Pluto, finally driving this to the surface in our police and governmental institutions...
Instead of, you know, learning from the history of the boom-bust cycle of this commodity-based economy, spending wisely and setting some of that surplus money aside for the inevitable bust, the government blew its cash like there was no tomorrow.
Now, tomorrow's here. The price of oil and gas are in the tank. There has been mass carnage in the employment market (75,000 jobs lost in the province so far this year). And the government's spending is way overreaching its means.
What is the answer to this budgetary dilemma, says the provincial government?
Why, slashing the already stretched-to-the-max public health care system, of course!
The government will get rid of many of the senior (and most knowledgeable) staff members with retirement packages. Amid other cuts that have not yet been announced.
All so convenient, isn't it? This will cause the public system to break (after years of funding cuts and purposeful erosion of services), paving the way for further privatization. "We have no choice!" will be the refrain.
Just what the Alberta government has wanted all along...a system like the Americans have! Because that has proven to be such a wonderful system, hasn't it?
The destruction of our health care and move to a two-tiered system is so heartbreaking, I don't know what to say. Tommy Douglas, I sure am sorry they're getting away with this.
And I'm reminded here of how Pluto makes things worse before things get better. The merger of corporate with government is almost complete and getting more surreal by the day...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
This is the very, very beginning of a long series of cardinal squares we're going to be dealing with over the next six years. First Saturn in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn and later Uranus in Aries square Pluto in Capricorn. Mucho grand-scale new directions and exertion of will on a global as well as personal level. Getting these beginnings off the ground. The beginning of Aquarius...
We're doing a lot of preparatory work as Saturn transits Virgo because we have to get these new directions right.
Tomorrow afternoon, Mars, newly in Cancer, opposes uber-potent stationing Pluto in Capricorn in the first degree of the signs, and we're moulting old ways of having our emotional needs and wants met.
Pluto is making us get real here and discern the difference between an emotional need and an emotional want. Forcing us to grow up a bit more along these lines and strip down to only the necessities. This is another point where we have to process and release any hindering past-related emotional baggage to make it through the cardinal openings, this time purging through our physical bodies, desires and goals. Letting old, habitual patterns related to achieving our goals - especially our emotional security goals - drop away and getting comfortable with the new emotional reality we have stepped into post-eclipses.
We have to nurture ourselves slowly but surely through this time as we are Plutonically forced to confront outdated ways of seeking emotional security. If we go too fast, we freak out and make decisions and take actions based on the old fears coming up to be released. We have to hold our calm little centres here as deep fears rise to the surface and we're tested on our commitment levels. Listening so very closely and deeply with our body intuition to make the right moves now, discontinuing the ones that are past their usefulness.
Not only are we out of the nest at this point...the old nest is no longer even there to go back to if we so desired. The old emotional safe havens are no longer safe. We're at that scary point where we can't go back but we're fearful and confused about moving forward. Nevertheless, we have to continue making whatever small steps we can emotionally handle to move forward into that Capricorn North Node, instead of ducking back into the same old hidey holes we've relied on in the past.
The South Node is in Cancer now, and ducking back into the same old hidey holes we have previously relied on when we become emotionally fearful and insecure will just place us in an unpleasant karmic loop designed to kick us right back out to this point...beginning our Capricorn North Node responsibilities for complete soul sovereignty.
The safe haven is inside us, no matter who or what tries to tell us otherwise. The recent eclipses triggered an emotional reanchoring (that continues) to healthier points, points that will sustain us in the future. Facing and overcoming our inner fears (as well as fears we have been taught) while continuing to hold our ground will continue our progress here.
We're not alone. We're all going together with this one, anchored as we always are to our roots, our homes, our pasts, our soul families. We have that support always. Venus on the Cancer South Node reminds us of this while simultaneously loving us enough to support our North Node progress.
Moulting, moulting, moulting. And not without some Plutonic purging yuckiness. We could feel raw with all the usual Plutonic physical symptoms - feeling energetically/physically dirty or repulsive, as if there is a layer of energetic tar sitting on our skin, waves of exhaustion, aches, burning in the joints, upset stomach, etc.
This aspect could push emotions, especially emotions we have been unconscious of, to the surface. Our feelings could be extreme for the next few days.
We're going over this initial point of the Cancer - Capricorn polarity (the solstice points) to make sure our goals and ways of achieving them are in line with the grand-scale Plutonic restructuring and rebalancing taking place. Personal goals here have to take their place within that context - the goals for evolution on this planet. Working for the same ends by aligning the two.
Mercury in Libra creates the cardinal T-square and acts as mediator between the concrete-goals-in-the-public-realm evolutionary desires of Pluto in Capricorn and the more immediate Mars in Cancer personal goals for emotional security, nurturing and people and place that feel like soul home. We balance the concerns of the Cancer-Capricorn polarity now with each word we speak and each interaction we make. And this balancing is (as always with Libra) more important than it appears on a surface level. Skillful balancing here can head off the anger, viciousness, violence and meltdowns possible with a Mars-Pluto opposition. Even if those meltdowns do occur, Mercury in Libra can ensure that we don't cut to the bone and say words to each other we wish we could take back.
The fourth leg of the cardinal T-square is Aries, so the stabilizing factor in all this is us the ability to stand in who we are, no matter what. We must be ourselves fully and completely, and that's all we need be. This Mars opposition to Pluto (like the Venus opposition to Pluto last month) has ties to the opening square we experienced between Mars in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn in April. The raw, new directions we initiated there related to who we really are and what we really want in the purest sense come to a culmination here with this opposition.
Just in time for Venus to enter Leo (which it does tomorrow, as well) and we start to express that pure identity in ways that are fulfilling to us. Venus in Leo brings a playful, heart-centred expression that could also be helpful in dealing with the more tense, possible meltdown-inducing Mars opposition to Pluto.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Black Moon Lilith Conjunct the North Node at 29 Capricorn: Reclaiming Responsibility For Soul Sovereignty
Black Moon Lilith has zipped retrograde from Aquarius to conjunct the North Node on the 29th degree of Capricorn today. We also have Pluto stationing direct at 0 degrees Capricorn, so we've got the dark masculine (Pluto) and the dark feminine (Black Moon Lilith) working together on either end of this sign, gaining footholds as we commit to the rebalancing of the feminine and masculine within ourselves and our structures.
It's going to get real now, out of the conceptual realms (Aquarius) and into concrete physical reality (Capricorn). Saturn will continue with the footholds we're gaining now in this structural rebalancing process when it enters Libra at the end of October.
At the same time as Black Moon Lilith is conjunct the Capricorn North Node, Venus is conjuncting the Cancer South Node at 29 degrees (exact August 26), on the same degree as the recent New Moon total solar eclipse. People from the past can show us just how far we've come now and provide the impetus for taking the next steps with the North Node.
All right, the feminine says, we know what we have to do.
It's girding itself emotionally for the structural leadership roles it is about to take on. Venus is giving us some loving support from the South Node, reminding us of our soul anchors and that we're not alone as we're pushed out onto the public North Node path. We're all going together on this one. Collective progress (Capricorn).
The masculine/feminine imbalance combined with an amazing greed/lack of wisdom among our so-called leaders have necessitated the Plutonic meltdown of our structures. (All part of the plan, imo.)
Now we take back our own leadership, our own authority, and put that reclamation into action. We rebalance and restructure. And to do that, the feminine has to take on its rightful public role as a full partner, nothing less. It has to take on a leadership role, ensuring the feminine perspective is at the table as a full balancing weight during the decision-making processes.
Over the next 18 months (as well as over the next 15 years of Pluto in Capricorn) we take on responsibility for the knowledge of how our hierarchical structures have attempted to separate us from our soul selves. And we repair the damage this attempt at forced separation has caused, step-by-step, by integrating the feminine fully as we restructure our lives.
We take a hard Plutonic look at how this false separation from our emotional/soul wisdom and the enforced structural compartmentalization have caused collective symptoms of anxiety, panic attacks, depression, rage, addictive behaviour, escapism through drugs and alcohol, mass use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.
This is not to say medications (and self-medication) have not been helpful for coping with these times. But now, with BML and Pluto's guidance, we listen to the roots and start to restructure things right from that place. We stop masking the problems and going on with business as usual and transform the root causes instead of just treating the symptoms. Those root causes are now front and centre, especially related to the misuse, abuse, denial and muzzling of the feminine, feelings, emotional reality.
Dark feminine and dark masculine, working side-by-side, have penetrated to the ugly reality of the situation and brought it to our awareness.
Now the matter of what to do about it...
The mythology of Lilith has to do with the feminine demanding her rights as an equal and accepting nothing less. Lilith was Adam's first wife but refused to take a subordinate position to him and was tossed out of the Garden of Eden because of it.
Black Moon Lilith represents the energy of that ostracized feminine force, cast aside when she wouldn't bow down, when she refused to be silenced and continued speaking the dark truths that the society around her would not face or accept.
BML consciousness relates to all the damage and difficulty that come with living that. Living on the edge of a society that would prefer you didn't exist - because it would prefer not to look at the things you represent.
It relates to the process of owning, honouring and bringing to the table all the dark and ugly parts of the feminine experience usually considered socially unacceptable and denied. It holds the consciousness of the experiences of that feminine force throughout history.
(And let me be clear: speaking about the feminine force does not necessarily = women. Women generally do embody more of the feminine, but the feminine/yin/inner is an energetic force embodied by both women and men, just as the masculine/yang/outer is.)
Black Moon Lilith transitted Capricorn this past spring, coming together for a little tete-a-tete with Pluto at the early degrees of the sign. It then moved into Aquarius for a look around at the future plans and has now come back to Cappie to conjunct the North Node at the beginning of that transit.
BML is letting us know how things need to change if we are to get to a real egalitarian Aquarian paradigm.
Now, as the North Node starts the transit through Capricorn, we align with the collective forces and dig in in concrete ways to get to that Aquarian paradigm. We work to set things right in our mainstream structures, especially within business and governmental institutions.
This is the time when, en masse, we publicly reclaim the sovereignty of our souls, take back the rights we were born with as human beings to live freely on this planet, and receive the guidance of our own spiritual roots above all else.
Here, we take the battle public, but we do it in somewhat stealth, undercover ways (Pluto/Black Moon Lilith). Can't openly threaten the Old School Patriarchy now. ;-) Holding the strength of our inner convictions and acting on them in small ways transform the external structures.
Collectively, this is the time to unlearn the habit of looking to external authority figures and hierarchical structures to tell us what needs to be done, how we need to live our own lives. This is when people are supported to stop jumping through hoops that don't feel right to jump through.
The tricky part is, we have to do this work within the mainstream structures. (Dear God, give us strength.) This is where the connection to our soul/spiritual roots and guidance is so very crucial.
We have to remember: Capricorn is a feminine, yin sign. The symbol for Capricorn is the sea-goat, so you can see the water influence there (emotional/intuitive/spiritual), an integral part of reaching its Earthly goals. Knowing what steps to take, remaining sure-footed while avoiding the loose rocks as it makes its way up the mountain.
Pluto transitting the sign shows us just how far from integrity the expression of the sign has gotten collectively, especially in the public realm. How the feminine influence has been muzzled and whitewashed out in a lot of ways. Pluto is stripping things down - within all those hierarchichal structures built on this imbalanced expression of Capricorn - to reintegrate that crucial feminine influence.
We can't move forward collectively until we do. And here is another aspect of Capricorn that is not fully heeded: the responsibility for collective progress, not just the progress of the few.
We won't go on, won't go another step, until we start to address this. This is the commitment.
We won't continue until we start to fully integrate the feminine force into our collective structures, rather than keeping it at an arm's length. No longer does symbolic representation cut the mustard. No longer can we keep the feminine compartmentalized as a special interest-type of thing, promoting only those little pockets of acceptable femininity.
The full feminine force is bubbling up to the surface, taking its place within public positions, step-by-step, bit by bit. It's almost invisible at times, just a glimpse. But it's there.
She's refusing to put her soul on a shelf until the workday is over.
Our Capricornian responsibilities here are, in part, to get real about just what is required of the feminine force in this restructuring process. Those (truly) representing the feminine force will be taking on the new and sometimes terrifying public leadership positions represented by the North Node in Capricorn. Taking on business roles. Balancing and creating right relations with the masculine within those roles.
It's not only a matter of the masculine holding space to bring the feminine into the fold. It's also a matter of the feminine stepping up to the plate.
Understanding the entry points for those feminine energies as we try to bring them into the fold will be very important - holding awareness of what they've been dealing with, the struggles related to this consciousness, the pain these conditions cause for both women and men who have this awareness. Being honest about the past experiences here but allowing the dark feminine to step out of the shadows. This is the only way to make a successful integration.
We commit to this transformation, despite opposition. We know things aren't right because they don't feel right. We address this now and support the addressing of this by others, as well as the related restructuring.
We take back any power here that we may still have placed with external authorities. By allowing the subtly coercive separation from and rejection of the feminine, yin force in themselves, people have allowed external authorities to harness it and use it against them. That comes to an end here.
By taking our soul's sovereignty back, deeply and fully, we disallow any manipulation or control by those who have used the dark feminine against the people for their own ends.
From a previous post:
"The powers-that-be use astrology and metaphysical concepts to advance their agendas. They have throughout history. Back in the day, for example, only the very wealthiest and most powerful had access to astrologers/astrology/birth charts. It was something used by the elites to set the timing for their agendas...and it still is.
And isn't it funny how most of the mainstream has fallen into the trap of thinking astrology is something only kooks use? All the while having it used against them by their supposed leaders.
This is how the people have been duped. They have allowed themselves to be stripped of their emotional/intuitive/spiritual awareness in the day-to-day business world, to sever those aspects of themselves from their decision-making processes. To deny and whitewash out the feminine/yin within the structural set-ups of the day, especially within the corporate model. All while those at the top of the hierarchical house of cards capitalize on these things and use them to their advantage...
Stripping people of their spirituality and cultural practises has long been used in an attempt to break and control them. It's done in sneaky, subtle ways every day, especially within the corporate model...
Separate people from these aspects of themselves and then consolidate that energy, that power, and use it against them. Capitalize on the dysfunction and fear this manufactured separation creates in people. Sell them drugs to deal with it and placate them with "all part of the divine plan.""
All this starts to come out in the open now.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Now that's what Saturn in Virgo calls a party!
Phew! Saturn has officially left its retrograde shadow (21 degrees 46 minutes) and we've finished with the first two legs of Saturn's trek through Virgo. Now just the final decan to contend with.
The North Node in Capricorn is now being disposited by Saturn in Virgo, which is inextricably linked to its position opposite Uranus Rx in Pisces.
So our path for concrete progress at the moment is coloured by the context of that opposition, exact on September 15.
Should be incremental movement forward between now and then.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Being still and quiet and letting things wrap up of their own volition...but dealing with the antsy mutable squares and Mercurial pressure within that stillness.
Not to mention the growing desire to bust forth into a new creative cycle, exerting the power of our personal artistry and talents as we head to the Leo New Moon early tomorrow morning. This is the first New Moon after a longer than usual eclipse season with plenty of intense inner, emotional focus, so we're very ready to start a new cycle of outward expression, letting our personalities lead the way.
The mutable T-square tension continues this week as Mercury in Virgo (coming from it's conjunction to Saturn) as well as the Moon in Virgo oppose Uranus Rx in Pisces (Friday - Saturday). This is also a pre-cursor, of course, to the next Saturn-Uranus opposition coming up September 15. Wrapping our brains around the changes we're dealing with...with many more up ahead. Getting to the necessary information. Getting organized. Mental and physical tune-ups. Getting our systems prepped and ready and functioning well. We need to be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy and strong to process the energy of these times...and the changes we're dealing with. No lagging. (I started doing Pilates at home during yesterday's Mars square Uranus, and I think it's going to be very helpful with some lower back problems I have...)
Mercury entered the shadow degrees of its next retrograde just after the conjunction to Saturn in Virgo at 21 degrees on Monday. So even though Saturn in Virgo will not be revisiting the degrees it is travelling through now, we'll be going back over those degrees of Virgo with a Mercury Retrograde in September, getting a better handle on what we're experiencing now. We'll get a chance to pick up any important info and make any necessary connections then. Details, details when you're dealing with Virgo. And preparation on top of preparation.
We're heading into a very mutable week, post-New Moon in Leo tomorrow. All the personal planets and the North Node change signs. Saturn moves out of its retrograde shadow in Virgo and Pluto continues stationing direct on 0 degrees Capricorn, kicking up more business developments related to the massive Plutonic transformation our structures are undergoing. As we continue to penetrate to the core reality of hierarchical outgrowths...
- New Moon in Leo
- Mercury in Virgo opposite Uranus Rx in Pisces
- Moon conjunct Saturn in Virgo
- North Node moves from Aquarius to Capricorn for an 18-month stay (until early March 2011)
- Saturn in Virgo leaves retrograde shadow at 21 degrees Virgo, entering six degrees of Virgo (until October 10) it will not revisit in its next retrograde
- Sun enters Virgo
- Mars enters Cancer
- Mercury enters Libra
- Cardinal T-square: Mercury in Libra squares Mars in Cancer and Pluto in Capricorn (0 degrees)
- Venus enters Leo
- Mars in Cancer opposite stationing Pluto in Capricorn (forming cardinal T-square with Mercury in Libra)
In the same broadcast we learned that the new super-mega-mall built outside the city has just opened!!! Well, hooray for that. They're expecting over 30,000 vehicles on opening day...with one entrance into the mall...and are bringing in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to keep the situation under control.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The thing is, I don't feel like an alien on Earth. I feel foreign among most of the people on Earth and within the way people have things set up currently, but I love being on Earth itself. The nature, the animals, the landscapes, the elements. These basic components all feel right to me. It's just when I'm around most of the people on this planet, interacting with them and traipsing through the way things have been set up (especially in the urban setting) that I wonder at times if I can withstand it.
It's the lack of soul that does me in. The lack of wisdom. The lack of connection to the Earth and its cycles. The lack of valuing what is truly valuable. It's living by the corporate time clock, chasing dollah dollah bills. It's the constant chatter that says nothing, the traffic, the cell phones, the disconnect, all the artificial light, the people living their busy, busy lives making decisions that boggle my mind with their shortsightedness. It's the meanspiritedness. The crookery. The illegitimate power. The institutionalized hatred and violence. It's the inane hierarchies and their ridiculous social rules. The compartmentalization. The ignorant, assheaded decisions made by our so-called leaders, who have little to no regard for (or understanding of) the effects of those decisions on the people and environments around them.
This makes it disheartening because I want to be able to enjoy my time on this beautiful planet. And I want to be surrounded by those humble, good-hearted, down-to-earth people who feel like home to me.
But I've had to be in the city way more than I would like (the most recent one being hugely corporate, Big Oil, glossy-imaged, new rich), among people whose value systems and ways of living I don't share.
I'm in the city because the cities are the epicentres for the people who want to eat the Earth I love for dinner. This is where the directives come from to strip my Earth down for parts, to trade it away for dollars and cents, and to use and abuse the good-hearted people here. This is the raw battleground where the tipping point is tipped and a new balance found.
So for my deep, deep love of Earth and my Earthly comrades, I'm here. We're here.
I don't feel as if I belong on another planet. I feel as if most of the people I come into contact with do. :-)
I'm not a starseed. I'm not one who feels that I'm "not of this planet, just in this spacesuit human body." I don't want to leave - unless we lose the fight and it becomes completely uninhabitable. (There have been moments, haven't there?) I want to make it better here. I want to kick out the bastards and the crooks and the devaluers of this Earth and its inhabitants.
I don't want to leave Earth's living things to their devourers.
I'm not an ascension-preacher. The consciousness has always been here on Earth for those willing to tap in.
I'm not here for a New Earth. I'm not here to transcend this Earth. I want the same Earth that that runs through my blood and bones. The same Earth that ran through the blood and bones of my ancestors. I want my feet firmly planted on the ground. The wind whispering to me the wisdom of the ages.
Monday, August 17, 2009
As Pluto stations direct on 0 degrees Capricorn...
I was at the downtown mall where I used to work yesterday to do a reading. I like to do readings in this secluded third floor food court area. It's usually fairly deserted on weekends and weekday afternoons.
I hadn't been to the mall in a while, but what I saw was pretty unbelievable. It looked like a straight-up construction site. Everything was blocked off. Scaffolding everywhere. The spaces of the stores that were forced out sit empty and shuttered. The entire third and fourth floors of the mall were almost unusable. The food court where I used to do readings was blocked off. I'm not even sure it still exists. It was chaos. Very uncomfortable (next to impossible, really) for the merchants who are still trying to do business in all that mess.
I looked in the faces of the construction workers (working on a Sunday), and they all looked completely exhausted and miserable.
The idiocy of this construction project continues to disgust me. Who does all this benefit, exactly? A super-gentrified downtown mall with the world's biggest skylight ceiling! Is this really the best use of the energy of these times? To create even more class segregation in this town? Doesn't sound very Aquarian to me.
Come one, come all to Calgary, Alberta. We have the biggest glass ceiling in the world! hahaha Symbolic, isn't it?
They've run most of the independent businesses out of the mall in favour of chain stores, so much that was unique to this city is gone. What you'll find at the end of this process is the same bland, corporatized mall (with delusions of grandeur) you'll find in any big city. It's interchangeable - Vancouver, Toronto, Atlanta, Houston, Miami...whatever. It follows the same plans to cater to the same small segment of clean, cleansed luxury patrons. The rest of the people who live and work downtown be damned, apparently.
Haven't these top-heavy, short-sighted projects run out of steam yet? From the looks of the construction workers shouldering the burden of the ill-conceived plans...just about.
The time and resources they're willing to put into catering to the rich is truly unbelievable, handicapping downtown commerce for over a year to push this corporate agenda forward. It boggles the mind what a waste it all is, how so much more could be done to build REAL community downtown if the people making the decisions had any actual vision.
Calgary takes up as much land mass as New York City despite having 1/9 the population. Sprawl on top of sprawl. And the sky-high property taxes that go along with trying to provide city services to all that sprawl.
The downtown is the core of a city. For anyone who has done a lot of Pluto/Scorpio work, you know how important the core is. It's crucial. Everything emanates from there. So the corporate homogenization going on in so many city downtowns these days isn't harmless. Energetically, it's catastrophic to make the downtown core so segmented, so ungrounded, so uninhabitable to the majority of people. It doesn't make for a healthy, sustainable, functioning city over the long run.
The current policies that favour this corporate homogenization over real community and service to the people who live and work downtown continue the degradation of the core. And as a result, the city will continue to try to run from itself, expanding outward and trying to get away from the core issues, instead of strengthening from the inside out.
Again, Pluto and Scorpio teach us the error in trying to run from our core instead of standing in it, holding it, and dealing with whatever problems lie there. A strong, healthy core is a necessity. It's the root of a person and the root of a city.
The city reflects the populace and the populace reflects the city, I guess. People here choose most often to live in the corporate maze, moving from one distraction to another (usually money-oriented), rather than doing the nitty gritty work. They can only go so far until something snaps them back to face reality.
I don't believe in clinging to the past, but this is not what I want to see in the future...
Mercury conjuncts Saturn in Virgo as Mars in Gemini heads to its square with Uranus Rx in Pisces tomorrow evening (8:24 MDT). The mutable T-Square is still in full effect. Stiff necks, headaches, mental overload and anxiety are still to be expected as we adjust and shift according to the changing conditions and any new information we are bringing in. Best to limit communication to only what is necessary as the universe continues to inform us about what comes next...
Saturn is just about to exit its retrograde shadow (August 22), so the things we are dealing with now pertain to wrapping up the previous two legs (decans) of Saturn in Virgo. From August 22 to October 10 we zoom through six degrees of Virgo (as much as Saturn can zoom) that won't be revisited in Saturn's next retrograde. We only get one kick at the cat with these degrees, so both Mercury and Saturn stand at the starting gate today, putting their heads together and formulating a plan about the best path forward for the most progress made.
The Moon and Venus come together in Cancer today, also, for a good dose of the feminine. Venus in Cancer has kept us back in those eclipse themes finishing the lunar-driven rinse cycle. Interactions we've had with the people in our lives have very much been coloured by those home, roots, family emotional themes and will continue to be until Venus enters Leo on August 26. We're still emotionally reconciling with the changes the future will bring and strengthening our connections to our roots to prepare.
The Sun in Leo is opposing Neptune in Aquarius today - just moving out of exact opposition with Chiron and Jupiter. The preceding oppositions are still in the energetic mix, as well. Shining our lights and putting forth our creative expressions of self in the face of the mammoth Aquarian shift. Reminding us to enjoy being ourselves as much as we can during the process.
Mars in Gemini also completes its trines to the Aquarius bodies today, trining Neptune this evening. Communication and interaction are the methods by which we are going after our goals right now, and all of it is touched by the objective vision of the future we're heading to. This trine is an easy, flowing aspect, but there could be a little more Neptunian fuzziness involved than Mars would like. Things are not as cut and dry or as easily attained when connections to Neptune/Pisces are involved. There are broader universal/spiritual goals in mind as well as our personal goals. But Mars will just have to work with it because it gets an even more challenging dose tomorrow evening as it squares Uranus in Pisces...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Moon in Taurus today squares the Sun in Leo (12:55 P.M. MDT) and we experience the Last Quarter Moon. This is a time when we initiate changes/movement in our lives (or decide not to) based on what we've learned in the previous stages of the moon cycle. Deep movement and changes and starting to shed old emotion and old emotional cycles.
We're still working from the third eclipse in the most recent eclipse season - the Full Moon lunar eclipse in Aquarius on August 5. The shifts we experience now are coming as a result of what we've learned/how we've grown during this longer-than-usual eclipse season - especially related to the past/future reconciliation process of the last Aquarius Full Moon.
What we've had to do to become a "global community" on planet Earth as we continue to grow in awareness of ourselves, other people, other communities, other countries, other continents, other planets, other solar systems. Our context on Earth as well as Earth's context elsewhere...
The Aquarian energy is very prominent as the bodies in Aquarius (Jupiter-Chiron-Neptune) form the third leg of the T-Square with the Moon in Taurus and the Sun in Leo.
The Sun in Leo is opposing the Aquarius bodies between now and August 17.
It has been a huge struggle to get the balance right with this Leo-Aquarius polarity. We've got some woundedness (Chiron) involved here related to the difficulty of shining our lights in the world (Leo), especially when those lights relate to a different way of doing things (Aquarius). Living from the heart and giving it our all but also having the detached objectivity necessary for living in these often bizarre and uncertain times. Not receiving the attention/recognition we would like...or having it offered to someone less talented but more mainstream palatable. Finding what is special about ourselves somewhat lost in the fray of these times we're living in. Having to defer to the larger, collective processes we're a part of. A lot of us have received a huge amount of opposition, oppression and abuse just for being ourselves and leading to a future for humanity that we knew was necessary. We've been on the outside looking in in many ways, and this has taken a toll. But we can see these themes running through other people's lives, as well. Again, the people who just can't seem to fit in are a larger group than it seems...
The fourth leg of today's fixed T-Square is Scorpio, so we have to go to our deep, dark places in order to really keep a handle on all this. Scorpio is the stabilizing leg here. Deep processing and releasing of what is no longer needed. Doing the work to let go of the old wounds (but not their lessons) while honouring ourselves for having the strength of will and the depth of character to go through it all...
This Last Quarter Moon in Taurus is leading to a New Moon at 27 degrees Leo on August 20. This late-Leo New Moon will be the starting point for a much-needed new cycle related to the fulfillment of our creative potentials. New creative projects or emergences within continuing projects. Receiving new places of prominence and recognition of our creative offerings. A fresh energy boost for self-expression and renewal on our creative paths as we struggle to live true to ourselves, come what may. A past-clearing that should allow more room for fun, joy and good times. Shaking off past expressions of self to allow for new, more vital and fulfilling ones to shine forth.
The fixed T-Square we're experiencing today is in addition, of course, to the longer-term mutable T-Square (Mars in Gemini, Mercury/Saturn in Virgo and Uranus in Pisces) in effect from August 10 - 26.
As I said in that post, Mars in Gemini trines the Aquarius bodies between squares to Saturn in Virgo and Uranus in Pisces. Multi-layered things going on. (A trine is a nice, flowing aspect between two signs of the same element. They're alike in the fundamental elemental way.)
Today, we have a nice Mars in Gemini trine to Jupiter in Aquarius to ease the square tensions a bit. Things are starting to move and flow a little better (between frustrating square checks) and hopefully we notice some progress and expansion toward our goals and future plans. Our daily interactions are getting things moving toward that vision for which we're striving. Mars in Gem will trine Chiron August 15 and Neptune in Aquarius August 17.
There are still some challenging aspects flying around, to be sure, but things are feeling a little less socked in post-eclipses. I'm feeling some tiny moments of clarity between periods of cloudiness...and some movement, although nothing concrete as of yet.
But there is also worry and anxiety being kicked up by the anticipation of the changes up ahead.
We've got a lot of shifts going on in the last 10 days of August as all the personal planets and the North/South Nodes change signs.
Saturn in Virgo also clears its retrograde shadow at that time and we head into almost six degrees of Virgo that Saturn will not be revisiting in its next retrograde. Saturn will be in these degrees (21-27) from now until early October, which I think is another indicator that things are going to move next month. Possibly more slowly than we would like (with Saturn involved in Virgo), but at this point, the right movement, no matter how incremental, is going to be a relief, I suspect.
More on all that later this month...
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Moon in Aries just squared Venus in Cancer, and we're just plain grumpy. Not only that, but we're heading all day to the Mars in Gemini square to Saturn in Virgo. So the tension builds, and we have to guard against pissiness and verbal sparring. People's frustrations could hit the boiling point as Saturn puts generally impatient Mars to the delayed gratification maturity test.
There is irritation and frustration here related to Saturnine restrictions on what we want and how we can go about getting it.
Mars in Gemini wants what it wants right away, no hassles. Just give me the info. Let me know. Easy peasy. But Saturn in Virgo isn't letting us off so easily. We're being kept physically (Mars) and mentally (Gemini) in check, and it's causing some angst.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Mars in Gemini will square Uranus in Pisces (opening square) August 18 at 8:24 p.m., so the influence of this T-square lasts for the next 10 days or so.
(Saturn and Uranus Rx are, of course, heading ever-closer to the third of their five oppositions on September 15 at 24 degrees Virgo/Pisces.)
Mutable energy is transitional, changing, adapting, so this should get some energy moving post-triple eclipses, although the movement will come as a result of these squeezing, frustrating, irritating squares.
The loosening effect of the eclipses releasing previous backdrops will be continued here as we transition to new ones.
The fourth leg of this mutable T-Square is "keeping the faith" Sagittarius. There are no bodies currently in Sadge, but the tension created by the T-square will be looking for an anchoring vibe from that sign. Keeping the candle burning in the window, holding a vibe of optimism and farsightedness to help stabilize all the nervous tension, worry and anxiety that can come with Gemini-Virgo-Pisces interactions. Sagittarius will be the wise old philosopher here, offering a steady hand and a few calming words. Tapping into that sign's best qualities will assist us with the T-square over the next 10 days. Activities/practises related to whatever house Sagittarius occupies in your birth chart should strengthen that stabilizing leg and help offset any tension overload with the other three mutable signs.
Under Mars in Gemini, we're attempting to achieve our goals through connection, communication, information-gathering and networking in our day-to-day lives. We want to get things moving in ways that interest us.
The square to Saturn in Virgo checks those desires with the understanding that we have to be mature and level-headed in our interactions with other people. Those interactions must be purposeful and necessary - possibly a bit of a drag for chatty, social Gemini. Talking for the sake of talking will be allowed only in very limited doses. We can seek stimulation but only if we don't start stuffing ourselves with mental junk food. No gossipping or shit-talking...or we'll suffer the consequences. We have to choose our information sources and the ways we interact carefully. We have to know when to make the connection and how to measure our words.
Precision is the name of the game with Saturn and Mercury in Virgo. Right application of speech and mental energy/analytical skills. Keeping our minds harnessed, working for the right aims. Only what's necessary. Mercury in Virgo disposits Mars in Gemini, so the Virgoan temperance is a strong influence. This influence is only made stronger as Mercury conjuncts Saturn at 21 Virgo on August 17.
The square to Uranus in Pisces ensures that we're keeping our ear to our spiritual insight here, not filling our heads with media and phone conversations and iPod distractions to the point that we can't hear that spiritual communication. We have to be attuned to those unexpected zaps of insight, to that "how could you have possibly known that?" stuff, especially as Uranus heads retro to its opposition with Saturn. Retrogrades offer us the chance to pick up on things we may have missed the first time around, so we have to take heed on that Piscean etheric level at the same time as we juggle and interact day-to-day - an example of the duality represented by both Gemini and Pisces.
We're in the middle of the Saturn-Uranus opposition series. Things are changing, structures are morphing, and we're in the midst of a lot of transition, heading to a new organization of things. The light and airy Mars in Gemini interactions are still light and airy, but they take place within that context.
Mars in Gemini will trine Jupiter-Chiron-Neptune, all Rx in Aquarius, August 13-17, between the squares to Saturn and Uranus, so our motivations for connection and stimulation have a bigger picture purpose at the moment. Understanding that context will help our interactions with others to hit the mark, getting the job done in an immediate way as well as for longer-term progress and shifts.
Things should continue to slowly becoming unstuck here (moving to some catalyzing astro-events in September), but there will be some mental stress, worry and anxiety as we work with the adjustments and changes required by the mutable energy.
We've also still got some Saturn in Virgo heaviness and depression to contend with, which has seemed to come into focus again with Uranus stationing and moving retrograde to that third opposition.
Baby steps...baby changes. Small adjustments bringing us through this transitional time.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
It's interesting that other people reading this blog have experienced the constant moves and situational changes that seem to come with the Plutonic/Scorpionic transformational process we're a part of (or, um, whatever you like to call it). I don't usually meet people who have had similar experiences, so that's really nice.
There are many different placements and aspects that can create these similar dynamics. For me (to clarify where I'm coming from on this blog), I was born during a part of the zodiac called the Via Combusta (the burning path or the fiery way).
The Via Combusta is the degrees of the zodiac from 15 Libra to 15 Scorpio, except for 23 through 24 degrees Libra, which are considered safe degrees due to the fixed stars Spica and Arcturus residing there. I don't have anything there, of course. My Pluto, Sun, IC, Mercury and Uranus are in Via Combusta degrees. (My mother was also caught in a tornado two months before I was born, which was quite fitting, I must say. All this has added up to one hell of a changeable and bumpy ride from birth on.)
The funny thing about the Via Combusta is that it's another piece of my birth chart that many astrologers (and outside observers, in general) would find "unfortunate." The Via Combusta's astrological definition includes this: "an indication of unfortunate or ineffectual situations."
Yeah, I've had more than my share of those. But as I was saying in the Venus "Affliction" post, when you actually live these so-called "unfortunate" placements, you can come to understand them in a deeper way. You can comprehend the purpose of them and the long-term (sometimes way long-term) benefits.
The way I've explained living the Via Combusta in the past is that it's like running the gauntlet. Pushing through seemingly insurmountable odds, heavy karma, booby traps and weapons wielded, very often related to relationship dynamics (Libra and Scorp territory).
There is a fire in a Via Combusta individual that keeps him or her burning a path through life, as you would imagine a shooting star burning a sometimes accelerated path through the night's sky. There's a feeling that you have to keep going, no matter what. Just keep burning through it. It has a lot to do with the desire to break out of past patterns, dynamics and structures in an attempt to get to something more fulfilling and workable, something good and right, personally and collectively.
The Via Combusta is about burning through and, therefore, past - hitting the evolutionary marks. "The only way past it is through it."
It's also a huge collective karma aspect (especially when Pluto is there and especially when Pluto is there conjunct the Sun). Themes of processing and purging for the whole through your personal life. Busting through collective dynamics that have been reinforced for decades, maybe centuries, maybe millennia. It isn't easy.
And we've got a whole Pluto gen (Libra 15 to Scorpio 15, excluding 23 through 24 Libra) working on just these dynamics. (You also have to know, of course, what to refuse to take on personally from the collective. "Nope. Sorry. That isn't my baggage to deal with!")
So to me, my supposed unfortunate placments are very purposeful and very important - not just to me personally, either. But from an outside perspective, viewed by people who don't fully comprehend the underlying dynamics, all this adds up to a very unfortunate individual who has to deal with a lot of turmoil and difficulty and angst. As would the (often) difficult conditions symbolized by many other placements or aspects...whether it's natal planets in detriment, in retrograde, afflicted placements, heavy Saturn or Pluto, a full sixth, eighth or twelfth house, a tonne of squares or oppositions, or whatever.
Again...true from one level of perception...but not the whole story by any stretch.
This is why it's so important not to let other people define us and our lives. When people again and again paint you into the same corner, perceive you in the same superficial ways, interact with you from the same limited grasp of the issues, it's difficult not to let it affect you. Unless you're willing to constantly define yourself on your own terms and (often) correct the mis-perceptions people place on you, it can become a damaging burden and a disconnect from your true reality that can eat away at you. Again, it's not easy to be that vigilant, but it's definitely worth it.
This is one of the most important things I've learned from living an "unfortunate" chart - to stand up for myself and my life, especially the difficult parts. Refusing to let people define me according to their limited understanding is a constant effort, but it's getting easier.
I now know to give them a little zap when they need one. Being misunderstood is hurtful, so it really is worth the effort to reframe things.
Anyway, the heaviest parts of the Via Combusta path are behind me now. I've done what I can do, and I just don't have the youthful energy to continue with that craziness anymore. This reminds me that things do progress, cycles do complete, alchemical fires do lose their charge, even when it feels as if things will never let up.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Leo Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Opposite a Giant Stellium in Aquarius
In my life, I've been dealing with variations of the same themes the entire six-month period between then and now...
Here's to hoping this current FM lunar eclipse in Aquarius brings some resolution on these issues.
I think the Uranian/Aquarian influence on top of all the overwhelming emotion that was just stirred up is causing things to feel even more out of hand. My emotions are all over the place, and I can feel panic edging in at points.
This horse is definitely balking at the jumps, even the small ones.
The intellectual "thinking about it all" element brought on by the air sign influence is making things even more overwhelming, actually. Are we really ready to think about this craziness? Rationally? How rational can we really be under a Full Moon lunar eclipse, especially the somewhat rare third in a series of eclipses?
The last time we had a series of three eclipses was May-June 2002. The next time is quite soon - June-July 2011.
There's some objective perspective being gained with this Moon in Aquarius, but it's pretty unsettling perspective from my end this soon after the Cancer New Moons/total solar eclipse. I'm not ready to be rational, damn it!
What a behemoth of a process this is.
I get the reconciliation of past and future thing represented by this eclipse series, but at times the process seems insurmountable.
Uranus is retrograde in Pisces right now (dispositing this Moon and Jupiter-Chiron-Neptune in Aquarius), adding a little more chaos (but also a strong, yet unconventional guidance) to the mix.
And all this builds for the next seven hours.
At least the lead-up is often worse than the main event! What comes to a head here will certainly be interesting...and with Aquarius, it will probably be unpredictable. Unpredictable is something the Moon doesn't really like to do, which adds to the emotionally unsettling feeling - except for those natal Aquarius Moons, who probably have it down. Although, under this eclipse, even they might be feeling scattered and crazed.
The Moon is full at 6:55 p.m. tonight (MDT) and then conjuncts Jupiter-Chiron-Neptune, all retrograde in Aquarius, tomorrow. More of the reconciliation of past with future process as we tie the Aquarius triple conjunction and its future-infused vision into the eclipse process.
The Moon enters Pisces early morning on Friday, August 7, and we start to dissolve into the whole, offering up what we've just been through to the divine intelligence at the wheel.
But even the Moon in Pisces isn't going to be all poetry and hippie love and wine spritzers.
The Moon in Pisces opposes Saturn in Virgo Saturday evening and conjuncts Uranus in Pisces Sunday morning, and we get a little emotional pre-cursor of the third Saturn-Uranus opposition (in a series of five) coming up on September 15.
There isn't much time to goof around with the aspects coming up later in August and into September...
Saturn in Virgo is keeping our noses to the grindstone right until the last moment, as Virgo usually does. Saturn leaves Virgo for Libra October 29 but will retrograde back in later...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
This one is a Full Moon penumbral lunar eclipse at 13 degrees Aquarius tomorrow evening at 6:55 p.m. MDT. The Sun, of course, will be opposite the Moon at 13 Leo.
This has been one long and intense eclipse season. We generally only have two eclipses every five or six months. This time we've had three.
We also had two New Moons in Cancer to contend with at the first and last degrees of the sign - something else that is somewhat out-of-the-ordinary. The first New Moon in Cancer was not an eclipse, but it did kick off eclipse season with an exact opposition to Pluto in Capricorn, carrying the Plutonic vibe into the entire process.
Cancer is a sign related to the past, our roots. It likes tradition and comfort and familiarity, so we basically required book-end New Moons in the sign as well as a triple eclipse season to break us out of old emotional molds and recast our emotional anchors in light of what's up ahead.
It was very emotional and pretty rough.
After tomorrow, we're done with eclipses until December 31, 2009. New Year's Eve! That one will be a Full Moon lunar eclipse in Cancer - so the new emotional cycle we started with the recent New Moons will culminate at that time.
We also have a New Moon solar eclipse January 15, 2010 in Capricorn...
Anyway, I feel pretty celebratory! We should gain some objectivity and intellectual detachment around our emotions with this Moon in Aquarius, which is quite a relief after the past month-and-a-half. I for one am looking forward to a little perspective on where things stand now. Mercury, in early Virgo - a sign it rules - should also help us cut through remnant confusion and put things in order, detail by detail.
When I talk about my "afflicted" Venus, I really should put that in quotation marks. I was being a bit cheeky there in the previous post. I just think it's an amusing way to shut people up when they ask me why I'm not married with kids.
"So...why haven't you gotten married yet? No men in your life? No kids? Why is that?"
I mean, how do you really answer that, anyway?
"Afflicted Venus in the 4th," seems as good an answer as any.
Or maybe: "I'm a Pluto in Libra, and my generation has a lot of soul-crushing, crystallized relationship dynamics to break down. Instead of attracting karmic relationship after karmic relationship into my life to break the old, toxifying constructs down, I choose to process it on my own until I've cleared enough collective debris and the timing is right for a real, long-term dude." Better?
Or how about: "Well, I sense that you and your significant other have about another six months, tops. You're really just buying into what you think a relationship should be and letting some serious problems fester, there, rather than building on true compatibility. I just want to avoid situations like that."
Yeah, "afflicted Venus in the 4th" it is.
It's not actually the definition of afflicted, so that was a bit of a misnomer. Afflicted generally refers to a heavily stressfully aspected planet. My Venus is what they call "in detriment" - in the sign opposite one it rules. Venus rules Taurus and Libra, so it would be considered in detriment in Scorpio or Aries.
(The Sun is considered in detriment in Aquarius, the Moon in Capricorn, Mercury in Sagittarius or Pisces, Venus in Aries or Scorpio, Mars in Libra or Taurus, Jupiter in Gemini, Saturn in Cancer, Uranus in Leo, Neptune in Virgo and Pluto in Taurus. Sort of like a concentrated oppositional energy. Trying to find expression through a sign it lacks compatibility with in certain respects.)
My natal Venus has also just turned retrograde, almost stopped in the sky, so I consider in detriment + just stationed retro to be "afflicted," if only in the general (not astrological) sense of the term. Retrogrades can bring delays and a feeling of going back over old territory to finish off situations begun previously, so there you go. Then being a Sun/Pluto Libra, with Venus as the dispositor of that - it's very influential.
I can see the possibility of someone holding the idea that he/she has a "bad placement" and that causing problems, but for me, it's the opposite. I've lived these dynamics my whole life and wondered why, and the astrological symbol just clarifies what is going on. It helps me to work with the process, tailored to me, instead of trying to set my life up according to the usual rules.
I don't read things in a fatalistic way or tell people, "Oh, you're being punished for past lives. It's your bad karma." *cough* bullshit! *cough* (Although there is often an element of necessary personal growth or adjustment, collective karma is the overwhelming battle these days.)
I believe everything in a birth chart is purposeful. You just have to look deeper sometimes to see the purpose (and benefits) of difficult aspects and placements. That is not to say they're easy or fun things to deal with. My Venus is a bitch, but I sure do love that bitch. I don't go overboard with the supposed "negative" aspects of placements, but I don't believe it's helpful to sugar-coat them, either.
The people I know with the strongest character, morals, integrity and will to help and do the right thing - the people I admire the most - have lived very challenging, often difficult, sometimes hellish lives. They've dealt with knock after knock, and they came out the best stuff humanity has to offer.
From my experience, afflicted planets or planets in detriment are somewhat difficult placements involving a process that requires more time, effort and challenge to master the themes. They're not easy, flowing placements. They're a bit of a bitch and a bit of a mystery, and you have to give it your all to really understand and work with the dynamics. They relate to working out some really tight knots that have existed in the collective for a very long time now.
But these are also often advanced placements, for people with the mad skills, and come with big rewards if they should be mastered. And if not, well, at least we did everything we could, and the next comrade can take it from there.
It's the idea of whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Although with Scorpio/Pluto involved, you often feel that it will end up killing you. (Or sometimes wish it would?) Warning! Super off-colour humour up ahead ---- For Scorpionics/Plutonics, if you haven't fantasized about sucking on the business end of a shotgun before, you're not doing it right.
My particular Venus "affliction" (Venus Rx in Scorpio in the 4th House) has to do with "going back for people" on a soul level, so it's a meaningful placement. A lot of completions of the soul, so to speak. I've travelled to some very odd outposts to reactivate people who had become lost in the set-ups of it all. The interactions triggered necessary endings, transitions or transformations. They got things moving in that alchemical Scorp way. And it was often energetically dangerous stuff because those reinforcing the set-ups don't want people reactivated on that level.
So from an outside perspective, this looks unfortunate to a lot of people. And in a way (on a personal level), it is. But the conditions have been such that I had to give it my all to try to tip the tipping points. My energy up until now went into other things rather than the traditional life with a husband, home, family. I know these things will come if they're meant to. I trust cosmic timing. But this situation does come with it's frustrations. I just try to be completely honest about it and put it into words on the blog for myself and anyone who has similar themes to deal with.
As far as it being a choice to do this work (or to live under any particular conditions), again, these are decisions I've made while taking the collective circumstances into consideration - so considering the conditions I live within on Planet Earth, my particular skills to deal with those conditions, and how things need to change, the amount of "choice" involved is highly limited.
For myself, I know that choices are often made for long-range progress/to assist the collective whole that aren't necessarily the choices that would be made if free will and immediate personal gratification were the only forces at play. (Which is one of the reasons I'm not a proponent of The Secret or the so-called law of attraction.)
I don't believe we're born into a blank slate. I believe we're born into and are connected to what has come before on this planet, what exists at the moment, and what is yet to come. For myself, I know that I have to work with the circumstances as I understand and experience them. I have to understand my own personal context in order to do what I came to do with this life. It's not strictly about me...
I guess it comes down to the fact that the majority of people on this planet seem to think soul or spiritual direction is in the realm of "make believe." They don't understand this type of work or this type of motivation and think I'm just putting off becoming an "adult" and taking my place in the rat race. Not so.
For those who think this isn't work or that it doesn't take any particular skill, I'd suggest they give it a whirl themselves, and then they can make their judgements. As far as astrology, they can learn it, gain some mastery of it, start their own astrology blog, start doing readings and see for themselves.
That's a problem with Virgo energy - it makes things look too easy, as if anyone could do them. Again, have a go at it, and then we'll talk.
As far as dealing with these dynamics, I love myself deeply, and I love the people I'm here for equally as much. That's why I work hard for us.
I'm guilty of helping people who didn't deserve my help in the past. I've also been guilty of continuing to try to help people when they didn't want or maybe didn't know how to use the assistance I was trying to give. I've been bitten in the ass in that way many times. But that's something you have to live and learn and adjust accordingly - also a strong Virgo-Pisces polarity theme.
I'm not actually sure why, but I find that a lot of very good people (the best people, really) are often treated badly by others. I don't think it's a lack of self-worth that "creates" the dynamics. I think it's actually a very strong, unshakeable sense of self, purpose and self-worth that triggers other people, somehow. If you're not insecure in the ways that they are and living life in the ways that they are, they want to somehow make you that insecure. Break you down or push you down.
I think in a way, people are threatened by those who live by their own values and internal guidance/sense of right and wrong. And by those who have simple motives to help and do the right thing.
I'm not sure if it makes THEM feel badly about themselves/resentful and they lash out. Or if it's just that they try to attack what they don't understand. Hard to say, but it sure is irritating.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I get really paranoid at times writing this blog, I must say, about who is going to read things, and sometimes I can't leave my soul bared for all to see in case some of the people I'm referring to should stumble upon it. Maybe one day I'll be able to just say, "Screw it" on that front. I'll keep working on it.
This eclipse season and all the Plutonic emphasis has me an emotional mess, a bit. (I'm sure a lot of people are in the same boat.)
I've always had problems with homesickness, but it has been almost debilitating as of late. Everything feels foreign at the moment and I'm craving a real home and my own family so intensely - something of my own - that I'm much less able to deal with the foreign Aquarian aspects than usual - that feeling that we're heading ever-closer to a whole new ballgame. Any inspiration I felt about the future has turned to dread related to what I (and we) have to do to get there.
I always have these problems to a certain extent, but they're full to overflowing at the moment (as we head to the Full Moon). I'm a country person through and through and grew up on a cattle ranch where you can see the moon, the stars, a sunset every night. It's so quiet you can hear crickets chirping and coyotes howling. Deer cross the yard with babies trailing behind. I miss it terribly. I think some country people are able to adjust to the city and learn to love it, but I'm not one of those people. I never feel quite right in the city, so I'm wrestling with that again now. I live ten hours (fifteen by bus) from my parents and don't drive, so I don't see them as much as I would like, either. I look at the people who have their parents in their lives on a regular basis, and it makes me sad that I don't have the same.
At the same time, I haven't found a husband and don't have a home and family of my own. (*Ahem* Afflicted Venus in the 4th.) I'm a single gal battling it out on her own. And apparently I have to be practical and think of career opportunities and making something of myself and all that crap. Though I really don't want to. I'd be content in any job I liked doing, regardless of what it was. I have no desire to light the corporate world on fire. (Only literally, maybe. Tee hee)
All this seems to be a constant battle, but it's very in my face (Pluto) at the moment. And very much a collective thing, too. The feelings of displacement and rootlessness, not having a place that feels like soul home, are things many, many people have to deal with...and have had to deal with in recent human history. It's funny how these emotions make you feel so isolated and alone, when in reality, they are very widely shared. A lot of people are carrying this around, just under the surface.
Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, regardless of how you feel. You have to make certain decisions and take certain steps even though it's emotional torture. This is one of the bitterest pills to swallow of the Cancer-Capricorn polarity.
And of the Pluto in Cancer generation, I'm sure. War ripped their families apart and tossed them around the globe, dispersed.
Native North Americans have been ripped from their families and ways of life. African Americans experienced the same thing through slavery.
Then we have the strongly spiritually-oriented people who have never felt quite right among the people and cirumstances on planet Earth. Spiritual slavery.
And on and on...
These days, people move away from their families and hometowns looking for work and opportunities...or they follow a job sometimes around the globe. People focus on throwing themselves down their career path, just getting on with it.
And all this takes its emotional toll. Progress and living looking toward a future vision means making some emotional sacrifices, and I think we've sacrificed too much on this front. We've been left running on empty emotionally.
These are some of the themes of the August 5 Full Moon lunar eclipse in Aquarius (6:55 p.m. MDT).
Reorienting ourselves emotionally to the new paradigm we're bringing about. Honouring our real feelings about it, even the difficult ones. It's not easy.
When you think about what the "Aquarian Age" is, you can look at the mind-boggling technological advances we've experienced in the past 100 years or so and how it has changed human lives and societies. One hundred years in the history of humanity is the blink of an eye, so you can see how this period is one of accelerated growth, matched by the expansion in human consciousness.
Before vehicles and air travel, most people stayed close to where they were born, around the same people, in the same tribes, so to speak, their entire lives. Their worlds were very immediate and close. They might never see anything outside a 50 mile radius of where they were born. Different generations of the same family lived together or very near each other. People socialized with immediate neighbours. You married someone from the next town over. People still do this today, but it's no longer the prevailing way of life.
Growing up on the farm in Saskatchewan, my father didn't have power until he was 10 years old in 1956. They had no running water until they moved into town in 1962. So my cousins and sibling and I were the first kids on my Dad's side to ever be born with power and running water. Amazing.
Electric power, running water, appliances, mass use of motor vehicles and air travel, telephone, radio, television, the Internet. Improved access to food, vaccines, medical care. And now the extras like cell phones, iPods, video games, virtual reality. When you really take time to think about it, it's mind-blowing.
When I was young, we had a party telephone line on the farm. Three families shared one telephone line, and you had a certain ring that was your's. Now families have a land line and all the family members, including the kids, have their own cell phones. Or Blackberries.
Things are different for human beings now, and this will only increase exponentially in the future as we gain further cosmic consciousness, explore space travel, etc.
And yet, many things stay the same. The emotional/soul needs running through humanity remain pretty much the same - especially the desire for a place to call your own, among people with whom you feel you belong.
At the moment, I'm questioning if this city is the place for me. Apparently it is for job opportunities (maybe), but what about the sense of belonging and home - things that are more important to me. I wonder how much longer I can just exist here.
I've always had a feeling that I had to live in the city as part of evolutionary progression, but it's a bitter pill to swallow when you can't be where you prefer to be. The choice for growth is not the choice I want to make right now - at least not on an emotional level, which is the most important level to me. Oh yes, most important save for the soul-driven evolutionary level. Blah. Another bitter pill.
I want to just hightail it back where I came from, to the country...so much that it's overwhelming.
I know the Full Moon lunar eclipse is coming on Wednesday and that this whole intense eclipse season has stirred all this stuff up. I know reconciliation of the past with the future is at hand. But I can't even think about what I need to do in the future when I feel so unsettled and adrift. I just want to say fuck it.
How can I focus on my career and progress and breaking astrology into the corporate realm when things feel this awful? I just don't care about all that at times like these. But I guess that's the difficulty of the Cancer-Capricorn polarity - which we're getting hammered on. Our emotional realities won't get straightened out until we make some concrete progress on the Capricorn front. But finding the emotional fortitude to take those steps on the career/public front is almost impossible. Rock and a hard place.
The Scorpio Sun man I met was talking to me about developing astrology into some team-building exercises for the corporate arena. This is something I've thought about in the past. But when I think about what I would have to do to get that going on, it's overwhelming.
I'm a horse balking at a jump. I know it, but I'm not sure I have the will to bring myself under control. I'm not sure I care if astrology goes mainstream. I'm not sure I care about getting my piece of the corporate pie. I know I'm supposed to. I know the corporate hierarchies are sick and destructive to the human soul, to the plants, the animals, the planet. I know they need to be busted open and reorganized. Egalitarianized. They need a reality-check in the worst way as far as ridiculous top-heavy hierarchy/power structures, injustice, corruption, poor treatment and undervaluing of workers, and lack of practical and healthful sustainability. They need an injection of soul, spiritual values, emotion, feminine so badly. It's at a crisis point.
I know someone has to do it.
And I know I'm a Saturn in Virgo/Virgo North Node. So I'm one those people to whom it falls.
The North Node moves from Aquarius to Capricorn late on August 21 - just a few hours before Saturn in Virgo leaves it's retrograde shadow on the morning of August 22. Saturn in Virgo will then be the major influencing force on our North Node path forward...in new degrees of the zodiac, new territory. So a strong focus and requirement to make concrete progress in the career/public realm - shifting out of the visionary, intellectual, conceptual realms of Aquarius. Here we have to get serious, set some long-term goals and start to make progress toward them. Small, specific, detail-oriented goals. Goals we've decided on after a lot of analysis and mental work, using our energy in only the most effective ways. A little dose here, a little dose there. This is how the course is adjusted.
The North Node is always scary territory - it's a new path, out of our South Node comfort zone. But it's also where the energy lies. Carving out a path here brings us success and progress; going back to the South Node (to stay) leaves us stagnant. We need to work with the Capricornian structures as they exist, assisting the Plutonic transformation where we can, applying our specific skills.
So I see these things up ahead. Intellectually I understand this. Astrology lays it out for me. But again, I don't know if I can get this horse emotionally prepared for the big jumps.
I don't know if this horse has the energy or the desire to do it after so much neglect and abuse by these same people and structures, so much heavy lifting and so many years when I was the messenger they all liked to shoot.
This polarity is stretching me to the point where I feel as if I'm on the rack. I know that bailing on Pluto's process is not the way to go, really, but there's only so much a girl can take.
I guess my only hope is that the baby steps I have the emotional capacity to make at the moment will be enough. It's always hardest gathering the strength to begin again. Once you've gained a direction and some momentum and the steps are laid out in front of you, it's not so bad. But boy, oh boy...the direction and momentum have proved almost impossible to generate in recent months. I almost can't believe things will ever get going again. haha
The aspects say they will, however...
OK, Aquarius Full Moon lunar eclipse...do your thing, if you must.