These times. I tell ya.
I have to confess something that has been going on with me and this blog for almost six months now. I didn't really want to go into it, but this continues to bug me, so here it is:
One of the symptoms of an adverse reaction to Cipro is morbid thoughts. Usually, when not poisoned by this shit, you can balance these types of thoughts off and dispell them, but Cipro overwhelms these mitigating abilities. The techniques we all develop to calm and comfort ourselves and keep our even-keeled little centres are somehow damaged or intercepted by this drug, and you stop being able to pull yourself out of the dark doomy gloomy. It affects you emotionally in this way, and in the same way it affects you physically, interfering with and blocking your body's natural healing mechanisms. Evil stuff.
So since December, the drug-induced terror has faded to a pervasive sense of impending doom. A pretty specific doom, actually. The one where you're not long for this world.
And one of the things I've been thinking about while contemplating the possibility of not being long for this world is: how are the people who read my blog going to know that I'm gone? :-) This is an actual concern of mine right now, and I'm planning who I can trust with the task of posting my death notice on this blog in the case of my untimely demise and moderating any commentary reaction following it. heh
I really can't tell at the moment if it's the Cipro screwing with me, if it's Jupiter and Uranus, currently conjunct on my Pisces South Node in the 8th house (house of death, wills, legacies and such), on top of it being fin de Piscean Era, in general...or if it really is almost time's up for Willow. Hey, Patsy Cline predicted her own death at age 30.
I was talking at the end of a previous post about how those of a certain sensitivity level are having our tolerance and stamina tested in a big way. We have been for a good long while now, but it has taken a severity turn that I didn't foresee. I never thought I would be so seriously staring down the possibility that this Earthly environment could soon become too hostile for the likes of me. That my adaptation skills, already honed quite well through a lifetime of heavy usage, would possibly not be able to cut the mustard. But really, who did think we'd be staring down the situations we're staring down right now? And I mean on a basic, day-to-day level, outside the realm of A-bomb what-ifs and end-times prophesies.
The Piscean themes are haunting a lot of us right now. I hear the echoes from a lot of people. The endings are huge. I knew they were because the astrology tells me so, but the actual practical living through them is something no one can ever really be prepared for.
A lot of people are talking about the "choice" to leave the planet now - my naturopath included. People are talking about planetary evacuation and such.
It's ringing in my ears, but I don't want to go. I just want things to get better.
It's all swirling around with this mutable T-square going on. And Mercury in Taurus trine Pluto in Capricorn is confronting us with all these situations that are just a bit too real.
I've been writing about the Gulf oil gusher a lot, and yesterday I met a Chinese fellow in the park by my place who asked me to have a conversation with him to help him improve his English. I found out he's in Calgary with a bunch of his colleagues on a three-month English training course. It turns out they all work for China's national oil company, China National Petroleum Corporation. This fellow does safety and risk management - specifically, he works on a vessel doing deepwater offshore seismic exploration in Saudi Arabia. Of course he does. We had a lot to talk about. He was delighted that Calgary still has wildlife. I was horrified to think of a city that doesn't.
A lady I went to high school with named her baby boy Diezel Storm a couple weeks ago. (Her husband works on oil rigs.)
A Winnipeg man who had set out for Calgary to start a moving company just turned up in a Regina, Saskatchewan hospital after being tortured and beaten for three months. He has extensive brain damage and is recognizable by his family only by the colour of his eyes. Parts of his lips and tongue have been removed. The side-by-side photo of him before the torture and after was one of the most disturbing things I've seen. The media really ought to warn you before they lay that shit on you. Especially with all this Pisces flying around.
We've got 59 dead and a couple hundred wounded in Thailand as the police continue to open fire on protesters demonstrating against the current un-democratically elected government. The media in this country seems to be reporting in a stance sympathetic to the police gunning people down. And we've got plans for a full-on police state in Ontario, Canada this summer as we host the G8 and G20 during that Capricorn eclipse conjunct Pluto. Tin soldiers and Harper's comin', la la la la la la laaaaa.
Already, I've had Kent State and Jackson State turning over in my mind, and the impending doom feeling digs in a little...
The guys picking cans out of the dumpster behind my building are better and better dressed these days.
I see chemtrails sprayed over downtown Calgary, at times daily. My body often feels like lead. This winter, any time the sun would start to peek out, we'd get a spray, and it would soon cloud over. Sunshiny reprieves during the Canadian winter are a necessity for feeling human. Without them, sluggish depression sets in.
I had a two-hour conversation a couple nights ago with my Dad about the state of the world. Neither of us can understand how we've gone from, a mere 50 or 60 years ago, people like him and his family living without electricity, running water or telephones to THIS. Rampant and obsessive consumption of resources that threatens the very survival of the human race.
I grew up drinking water from an artesian well, straight out of the Earth. And now, post-fluoroquinolone antibiotic poisoning, I have to get reverse osmosis water delivered at 28 bucks a pop so that I don't further poison myself with the fluoride and chlorine in the city water. It feels so disconnected to me to do this, especially in Canada. I was really upset when I first started getting it and wondered, how can I possibly sustain this? Now, I just drink it down.
So where is this post going? I have no idea. It's all just swirling around in a world I'm having a hard time understanding anymore.