Mars in Taurus square Saturn Rx in Aquarius at 22 degrees - August 7, 2022
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Transiting Mars in Taurus, still conjunct Uranus and the North Node of the Moon, moves to an exact square to Saturn Rx in Aquarius on August 7. Mars-Saturn squares are notoriously tough aspects, and this one will be exacerbated by all we've experienced over the past couple years. The global "lockdowns" have thrown hundreds of millions more people into a state of acute financial distress, and this aspect indicates a time when financial worries and difficulties are weighing very heavily on people. With the authoritarian social engineering schemes playing out in layer after layer, the future might look particularly bleak under this square. I've outlined some of the challenges associated with Mars-Saturn contacts in this article from March 2021:
Suicide Prevention Through Astrological Awareness: Mars-Saturn Contacts
http://willowsweb.blogspot.com/2021/03/suicide-prevention-through-astrological.html
(Blogger won't let me hyperlink this article for some reason, but you can copy and paste the link or click the 'Mars-Saturn contacts' label at the bottom of this post to see the article.)
27 comments:
I’m very suicidal atm. Have been for months, I don’t know how I found your blog post Sucidal Prevention Through Astrological Awareness. One of the case studies you outlined there is exactly like me astrologically. Philip Manikow.
I have natal Mars-Saturn-Pluto conjunction in Libra. All three retrograde. Squaring Natal Venus in Capricorn. And squaring natal nodes too - NN in Cancer, SN in Capricorn (Saturn exactly squares my nodes, Pluto exactly squares my Venus).
I am also undergoing Saturn conjunct Moon transit and Saturn square Chiron. (natal moon 25 Aqua square Chiron 18 Taurus). this horrid Mars Uranus NN conjunction on my Chiron feels like an unbearable vice being tightened until I break completely. I have endured an entire lifetime of severe mental and emotional abuse and chronic illness. It doesn’t matter what I try or where I go - I am always scapegoated and stuck depending on those who abuse me because no one safe ever cared enough for me to help me. I’ve been to therapy and was told “you had no one parent you”. I am 40 and despite struggljngfor decades my life is a repeat of abuse, trauma and suffering while I feel tortured seeing others around me go through periods of ups and downs, while I am never allowed any respite to be able to recover. I now know all the hard work I’ve done in therapy, and in every other way to try and make my life better has been futile - the universe hates me and is ramping up its punishments against me even as I can’t figure out what I have done wrong.
I truly cannot bear the sysiphean hell that is the constant experience of extreme thwarting of any step I take to overcome obstacles. I am so alone and so tired of staying alive - it has now dawned upon me that staying alive is me allowing life to rape me all the time (I do not use these words lightly, I know what it is to be sexually harassed and traumatised , and this year Life feels like a huge brute that will rape me anytime it likes and I am never given any real help or allowed to help myself be safe from it. Death is the only option left to try.
Your blog post has touched something inside even as I feel dead and wish for the end. I see the same fate as Philip Manikow approaching - I am trying a few last tries to reach for some help or hope. Would Philip ever have felt better or did he do the right thing easing his misery ? I feel so foolish not having given into my impulse to end my life as a child - it seems I have stayed alive only to be utterly devastated and ground down to dust.
Thank you for trying to help those of us living lives of endless torment. At least you don’t shame us for a life that is unendurable. I wish so deeply for peace and the longer I live the more I feel I am being punished for daring to live. Please help. Please. I have very little suppprt and what suppprt I did have seems to be crumbling. I know I am being destroyed. I feel so powerless and humiliated that suicide seems the only way to take any shred of dignity and power back. I wish so desperately for release from this because I know with my chart I will never even be allowed to heal or experience peace, never mind joy and thriving and just the freedom to not be housebound.
Just hold on. Go day by day. Accept where you are right now, even though it's intolerable. The conjunction on your Chiron is starting to separate now, and the Mars-Saturn square is past exact by August 8. Then Mars in Taurus squares your Moon August 12/13. That should be the harshest part done.
You have very tough natal astrology, but the toughest astrology also holds the seeds for the greatest of successes on a soul level.
You could be reacting to the intensified EMF levels right now, also. They have neuro-psychiatric effects. Do you have wireless in your home? Do you use a cell phone regularly? Consider moving to ethernet cables and using cell phones only when necessary, only on Speakerphone, don't sleep with them. EMF protection products have helped me. I have more tips on this if interested.
Food and water quality can also greatly exacerbate depression and suicidal thinking. If you haven't already, consider investing in a good water filter and refining your diet.
I hope things improve soon. You aren't alone in struggling with the current conditions on this planet. Far from it.
Oh my god, thank you so much for replying to Willow. I’m stunned you replied - I’ve gotten used to being judged and rejected for being depressed and finding life unbearably harsh. Thank you for replying. I know it’s strange but I feel you at least understand WHY I am struggling to stay alive, because you see what I’m dealing with through my chart.
I’m not at all a Professional astrologer, But my abusive stepfather often taunted me with a chilling smile saying that I have the worst birth chart of anybody he has ever seen. I have slowly taught myself some astrology because I wanted so much to disprove the fear he had put into me that I will never be free of intense suffering in this life. I have searched for years On the Internet to try and find anyone else’s chart that is similar to mine, so I could understand why I am forced to endure blow after blow that would destroy so many others, and today has been the first time I found it on your blog post. It’s both surreal and very scary - I feel like Philip Manikow as life progresses, I feel so worn down and staying alive is much harder as each year passes.
Thank you for the tips on food and water - I was forced many years ago to completely refined my diet when I became bedridden with chronic pain and illness that I could not heal from for decades.
As for EMF, I am doing my best to stay away from those but I am confined to an apartment living in a big city in India with other apartments around me full of WiFi- It is absolutely impossible for a single disabled woman to live alone in the countryside here and be safe.
Do you think there is any hope for someone like me? It seems my stepfather was right after all - and while growth on a soul level sounds good on paper, I continuously feel betrayed by my soul and this universe. My body is now failing and my mind is falling apart after a lifetime of struggling with blows in every sector - health, relationships, career (I’ve barely had one I’ve been bedridden most of my adult life), friends, community, wealth. I’m no sector have I been left without wounds. I used to try and tell myself that someday things would change but I’ve had 15 years of terrible transits and practically speaking life cannot be very different for me than it is, except if I get a new body and mind which of course won’t happen. I honestly don’t even know how I made it this far but things are only getting worse as my strength and resilience fail. It is unspeakably cruel.
I’m trying to evaluate whether staying alive is only further entrenching even worse trauma in my heart and soul and is a form of self abuse. I’ve tried so much to heal myself and my life circumstances but I am broken by the constant kick downs that only seem to be accelerating. I know Saturn conjunct Moon is bad as a transit but I have endured so many bad transits in the last 15 years that I feel my soul is forcing me to make the ultimate choice - one I was too cowardly to make earlier in this life. Even practicing acceptance and surrender over and over and willingly suffering ego death only serves to make life worse.
(Could not fit this into one comment... )
I am only an amateur at astrology and I see no hope of life getting better anytime soon with my understanding of the transits that are battering me every year. I feel completely cursed by my birth chart. It’s a powerless feeling - my soul may have chosen it but I feel I am suffering as a slave to my soul’s wish. Is there any end to this you can see Willow? Will I never experience any sort of lasting earthly joys that make it bearable to be here? I cannot find a way to continue to stick around for life of pain. I no longer wish to live to keep enduring this over and over again. I have been very strong for 40 years hoping someday life will ease up on me but all I get is crumbs of joy with a baseline of constant suffering. I might have been able to cope had things improved for enough time so I could have experienced some ease and flow for a few years. But I am stunned to find life seems to be only getting more brutal about knocking me down. No one can endure endless powerlessness. I don’t even know how I’ve gotten this far - I must be too cowardly to take my life.
Thank you for reading my long posts. I am very alone right now in my reality and the isolation is brutal. Thank you for trying to understand and help me. I feel heartbroken as I look back and realise the dreams I had as a shell shocked helpless little girl that one day life would balance out, were never going to come true. I don’t know what I did to deserve this - all I wish is for some peace.
Please do let me know if a horrific birth chart like mine only means that life will continue to be repeats of the same emotional pain. I would like to make an informed choice on whether to commit to a life of suffering or not. As it seems I am being forced to do it.
Thank you again for reaching out to a very broken and distraught woman. Hugs.
Well, first off, your step-Dad sounds like a total dick. So sever any and all care about his summations of your life and chart. Those summations sound materialist and limited in awareness (also cruel, yes). Some people use astrology in a rigid, fatalistic way, but I think this is an outdated way to look at things.
I don't see hard charts (even charts as hard as yours) as being a curse. I see these charts falling to the strongest and most compassionate souls who want to do the most good while they're here. We all push the boulder up the mountain as far and as long as we can, and the hardcore souls are pushing particularly heavy boulders.
I think it goes beyond just hope for you, Jas. I can sense your strength in the words you write here. You have survived what would have killed many others - or driven them insane. So I would just take a breath and recognize yourself for surviving to this point. Don't worry at this exact moment about whether you can continue. Just observe where you are right now. You've made it halfway through a life that most would not have been able to tolerate, and there is high honour in that.
I understand how Hellish chronic health problems can be, as well as being bed-ridden or housebound, and I'm really sorry you have dealt with that for so long. I wish this world were much better than it is.
All I can say is that the world would be a lesser place without you in it. What you have experienced is valuable, and your awareness is valuable. I also think it's possible that grinding it out in the world of the living is more effective than leaving.
I would still look into protecting yourself from EMF exposure. Get rid of wireless devices in your own home, and look into something that will protect your whole apartment. (I use a product called Shieldite, and it helped immediately.)
I think it's very possible that your life could balance out. You're working through an immense amount of collective karma (particularly relationship karma), and once this has been worked through, things can start to lighten up a bit. It's hard, but try to look at your life from the Aquarian bird's eye view. Your personal Hell is connected to what are actually collective or generational Hell dynamics. You're not alone with it. It's not your fault. Every day you work through it is a valuable day.
I think the harsh transits right now (including the Mars-Saturn contact to your Moon) are boxing you in and making you feel as if it will always be this hard.
The South Node of the Moon in Scorpio is also a bottomless pit of emotional and psychological anguish. If you can get out of the house at all...or even just to a balcony or window...connecting with the natural world might help a bit. Focus on the five senses and ignore the sixth sense for a while!
Thank you dear Willow for your gentle kindness and practical advice . I will keep reading youradvice right now over and over trying to just observe myself. I haven’t been able to eat or drink much today (and have lost a lot of weight this past year so I’m under medical advice to not stop eating, I’ve been so depressed all year even eating has become difficult.) I am going to try and eat and drink a little water.
I am going to try and make it hour by hour - I’m terrified of what fresh blows await me until mid August. But you have helped me find a small bit of hope with your advice and compassion. I asked life to help me and your messages have come in and helped me hang on for tonight. I hope to make it through this and someday maybe get a consultation from you. In the hope that maybe what I’m seeing as many years of bad transits to come isn’t maybe as awful? Don’t know if I’m being stupid and naive. Once before in 2016 when I was very close to ending it , I pleaded on another astrology blog post for hope - she told me then that I needed to hold on for my progressed natal sun breaking into first house. I took the advice and hung on as best as I could.
Thank you for being that voice again today that has helped me find some way to stay here for now. Even if it is only for the next hour. And the next.
I wish you much joy, thank you for being so lovely to those of us who feel devastated and alone.
Sending you love and hugs.
Yes, please just take it hour by hour. Don't let this Mars-Saturn square force your hand the same way it forced Philip's and the others. I think Philip would advise you to try to stay! :-)
And yes, please eat and drink regularly. Take wonderful care of yourself. I don't know if you eat smoothies, but I got a Magic Bullet mini-blender as a gift, and it's an easy way to eat when you don't have much of an appetite. I make a smoothie with some combination of cucumber, celery, carrot, green apple, berries, ginger, and turmeric. It's quite good, though it will only keep you filled up for a couple hours!
Stay with us if you can. :-) It might get better, or it might get worse, but at least we're here together.
Also, thank you for giving me some hope about my life. I had no idea that the south node in Scorpio would be so painful and full of emotional anguish, and that the current mars Saturn contact to my moon is really hurting me. You are absolutely right that I feel like life will always be like this and this will never end - Somehow the fact that you managed to see that in the transits is giving me hope that maybe if I can find a way to get out of the house, even with rough transits it might help me.
I am also realising that tomorrow Venus is exactly squaring my natal Saturn at 21 Libra And will go onto square natal Pluto at 26 Libra. (I was born on February 23, 1982, in India, I thought I would share that because it’s easier than sharing individual placements; but please don’t feel that I am trying to get a free consultation from you in any way. Just in case you were interested in seeing th me chart for yourself. You have given me so much information and I am most grateful so you do not need to share anything else if you don’t want to. ).
Every time Venus square Saturn happens my anguish feels excruciating. But this time I think I’m finally seeing with your help that I have even more stuff impacting me astrologically, no wonder I feel so tortured.
Very grateful. I think I have been trying to use astrology while under great duress and By myself I have not been able to see anything but bleakness. Your perspective has helped. Hugs. You are a lovely soul Willow.
Yes, you are under multiple stressful transits at the moment, so things seem particularly bleak.
I will also mention that transiting Venus in Cancer is forming an opposition to transiting Pluto Rx in Capricorn, and THIS is stressing your natal Mars-Saturn-Pluto in Libra directly. The Venus-Pluto opposition is exact August 8, so again, the first half of August is pretty brutal. Just go step by step, day by day, hour by hour.
Transiting Pluto Rx in Capricorn is in an extended conjunction to your natal Venus in Capricorn and square to your natal Pluto Rx in Libra. Pluto in Capricorn will station direct there on October 8 at 26 degrees. I think you're ultimately being released from some of the collective relationship karma, but the Plutonic process often feels like Hell as it's occurring. It also makes us wish desperately for an end to it (which sometimes involves our own physical end). So yes, I can see this in the transits, and I can also see that this terrible time is temporary!
Oh my goodness Willow, it’s 2:45 am in India and I just managed to eat my first proper meal in 36 hours thanks to your generous time - and I saw your last post and almost burst into tears of relief. I’m so relieved you can see an end to this!
Suddenly I am able to see why I feel like I’m literally being scr*wed over from every direction! (I’ve always known I’m an amateur and don’t compare to a professional astrologer!). I’ve been terrified because Saturn will conjunct my natal Sun AND square natal Uranus next year - I had so naively told myself last year that Saturn conjunct Moon surely couldn’t be that bad with everything else I’ve survived....
I’ve been through some next level hell in the last few years with Saturn Uranus and Pluto - I’m shocked I survived Pluto squaring Mars and Saturn squaring Mars. Then Pluto squaring Saturn while Saturn squared Pluto (even I know that’s a heck of a double whammy). Then Saturn conjunct Venus and Mercury.
I’m not sure which planet I want to blow up more - Pluto or Saturn! (tiny smile).
Thank you thank you thank you - I’m just going to find a way to get through the first half of August somehow. And then wait till October 8 - again my lack of deep wisdom around astrology had me naively thinking that the end of Pluto transits are usually times of being rewarded for undergoing the Plutonic journey into the depths of Hades. Clearly I was a bit too optimistic! But knowing it has an end is SOME relief.
Willow, I know this sounds odd - but I’ve almost been feeling like Philip Manikow is reaching out somehow through me to you, and saying Thank you to you. Not because I’m a channel or anything, but because I understand his struggle so deeply. I sensed this even before you mentioned him in your response. I think me trying to stay alive and you helping me tonight is his way of reaching out to you and saying - it’s more than ok that you used his birth chart to help others who are standing at the edge of their own abyss. And that your wonderful and thoughtful attempts to help desperate people navigate these transits and avoid suicide through astrology, are honouring his own tough journey. I felt a quiet nudge to share this with you.
I hope that wasn’t too weird or forward to share with you dear Willow. Your blog posts and responses saved me tonight. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ah, thank you for that message from Philip! I'm happy he approves of me using his chart and story, since they are so very personal and sensitive. I hope the others are OK with it, too. You and Philip share almost the same astrology (both born February 1982), which is quite amazing. I'm really glad you found this article.
Pluto is pretty much glued to 26 degrees Capricorn for the next few months, which definitely keeps some pressure on you, but once it goes direct and moves off that degree (by early December 2022), you should feel relief. Then the final pass of Saturn over your Moon in late January 2023. I think Saturn-Moon contacts are generally tougher than Saturn-Sun contacts (though they both have their challenges), so I think you are getting the hardest one done first!
Those two aspects coming to a close should shift some of this intolerable turmoil and pressure off you by early 2023.
But in the current intolerable moment, it's the Mars-Saturn square stressing your Moon, which is past exact by mid-August. And Venus in Cancer squaring your Saturn and Pluto in Libra. That will shift on August 11 when Venus enters Leo. There is also a Full Moon conjunct your natal Moon on August 11.
So brutal astrology into about the middle of August 2022, but there should be some relief for you after that. Very much hoping so!
You're very welcome. Thanks for sharing your story. I very much hope for smoother and happier times ahead.
Jas, I hope you are doing OK right now and that things have let up a little!
I know how rough this aspect can be, especially when the Moon is involved. You can do it, though. Just go day by day.
Oh my goodness. Dear Willow, I’ve been reading your kind replies to me most days. And just trying to hang on. Really struggling on every level. I’ve been wanting so much to reach out but have been so exhausted and ashamed that I can’t seem to stop struggling with one bad situation after the next.
Last week I was lying in bed and I closed my eyes and I was crying a little and I called out your name. Not wanting to disturb you but because I find there are so many people attacking me at work for just trying tondo my job and have some boundaries where I’m not degraded and disrespected. It’s a losing battle and I’m really running out of the will to go on Willow. I am sobbing even now and so ashamed of how I can never seem to find a way to just live without people coming after me until I am left with no option but to try and end things.
I have been reading Philips Manikows analysis and all I feel is dejection and despair - you are right when you say it’s been a lifetime of deadly difficulty and there are no easy answers. I wish I had never been born - all of humanity either sits passively and watches or actively destroys my last shred of peace. I am exhausted Willow. I wish I lived near the Golden Gate Bridge. I cannot endure anymore - Saturn square Chiron starts in orb again for me tomorrow and I’m fully expecting to be told at work that I cannot draw boundaries when disrespected or I will even be fired. And I haven’t done anything wrong. But I have become the lightning rod for malice and slander and like with my whole life I am powerless to do anything - defending myself only brings the wrath of those who cannot bear that I live and work with some dignity.
I want to go home Willow. This planet isn’t my home. Forty years of trying to be kind and compassionate have earned me only hatred malice and hurt. I am so tired. I cannot bear two months of Saturn square Chiron. I’m in so much physical and mental and emotional pain and I now know this will be for life - I have no free will and my birth chart will not let me feel anything but torment.
I wish so much for peace Willow. No matter what I try I am always blocked - life and people seem to hate me and I cannot understand what I did to deserve even half of it.
I don’t know what else to say Willow. I feel so ashamed and broken. I only wish I had someone to hug me. I don’t know how to even face tomorrow - I want to protect myself from more abuse and pain and injustice and not being here is thebonly way. I’ve tried so much. Therapy, exercise, moving, shadow work, but I always get pushed back to the same hell. People just come and treat me like dirt and I am not allowed to ignore it or stand up for myself - the universe reacts with fury and strikes me even harder if I dare to regain some dignity.
The world has failed me again and again. I cannot heal or live when life and my birth chart imprison me - no one can endure such a life.
Thank you for reaching out to me. You are possibly the only person who won’t shame me for my agony and act clueless or dismissive or judgemental about why I cannot cope. This life and my birth chart is pure hell. I regret staying alive - I have only allowed my soul to be further broken and traumatised. I wish I had Philip Manikows courage in 2004. He spared himself so much inexplicable agony.
I hope life treats you kindly Willow. I don’t know how to go on anymore. Everything is being painfully destroyed and I am not allowed to hope.
I'm so sorry it's this rough, Jas! :-( I have had similar experiences at workplaces, time and time again. I know it seems exhausting, but could you start looking around for new employment? Or even moving to a new location? Sometimes just planning an improvement helps it to come into being.
If you have to, if it's literally driving you to suicide, quit your job and go from there.
Just do anything to try to move out of the worst of it.
Adopt extreme detachment in relation to the abuse you're suffering at work. Picture a shield of hematite around you with white light around that. Nothing can penetrate the hematite shield, and the white light brings God's/the universe's love to you.
You're drawing the ugliest side of people right now. Shame on them! It is no reflection on you.
Please hang on if you can. The whole two months will not be this rough! I believe you can do it.
Oh dear Willow. Thank you so much. I wish I could hug you for being so kind to me.
Thank you for giving me hope that the whole two months won’t be this rough. I am terrified - all I can see is multiple transits that are tightening what feels like a noose around my neck.
You helped me stay alive during the first half of August - I managed with some difficulty to get out of the house and check into a hotel for a few days. Spent a whole load of money but I followed your advice and I felt better being out of my apartment. It wasn’t great - struggled with bad behaviour from other guests in the hotel (people screaming while being drunk at 2:30 am outside my door for one) - but I tried to feed myself nice food. And try and enjoy just being holed up inside most of the time. And ate complimentary chocolates and cookies.
I remember feeling a sense of dread when I had to checkout - a voice inside wanted me to go into the balcony of the hotel room and step off the ledge because I didn’t want to come back to this life. I brushed it off and came back, and the relief lasted maybe a week before people at work started to come for me. I’ve been struggling to stop beating myself up for having come back.
I am trying to move to a new apartment but with my health issues I am
forced to earn money right now and can’t focus on moving - my mind and body don’t have the capacity. I used to love this part time job, but this year has been a horrible shock - the job is also bringing out the ugliest side of people and something about me just makes them want to make it hard for me to even do my job. I don’t get what bullies enjoy so much about picking on people - and why they are just everywhere these days. I can’t seem to find a way to stop them coming into my life, with being housebound my part time job during this part of the year used to bring me company but this year it feels like hell.
I will try and hang on dear Willow. Thank you so much for your empathy and advice. I am sorry if I made you sad or brought you down in any way.
I will try and practice this extreme detachment. Sadly a childhood of severe emotional abuse means I struggle to employ detachment techniques. I am literally in physical agony as my subconscious triggers me into fight or flight and my body and muscles tense up painfully - but I will try. I don’t understand what I did to deserve everyone’s wrath. It really hurts to see life helping them
Thrive but not me and I can’t even figure out what thing I did wrong.
Sending you a hug Willow. I will go to work tomorrow and practice detachment and try and not fall apart - sadly I know if that happens I will only be further labelled as the “emotional unprofessional one”. So I will detach and imagine the hematite shield.
Sadly willow I feel the universe hates me. I’ve started to believe it’s only tricking me with hope and help so I can let my guard down and it can swoop in and hurt me again. I feel like I’m caught in a deadly chess match and the universe is my adversary and there’s no way to win. Every move I make leads to another blow so I often feel frozen. I’m not allowed joy, I am not allowed desire. If I’m one human, I don’t get why the universe is hell bent on punishing me. I think my natal astrology will not allow for the moments of hope and relief afforded to others - it’s not possible to be human and endure endlessly without some respite. I don’t understand why I’m being punished for so many years. People need hope and support and how can the universe love me when it’s so relentlessly cruel ? I cannot fathom it. I need life experiences of things going my way to even hope that the universe can be loving. I feel like a lifelong orphan, god and life have also turned their backs on me.
I’m sorry if this is too much. I will understand if you have no answer for this. Thank you anyway. Hugs.
Bullies are absolutely terrible! They do so much damage and take glee in it. They're sick puppies, to be honest. Don't internalize their character flaws. It's not a reflection on you. Some people are just magnets for them, and often, it's because there's something special about them, something distinctive about them, or some internal strength that the bully can't stand anyone to possess. People who don't need approval from others are often targeted.
I think you're still too far in the Scorpio South Node. Practise moving out of your emotional and psychological state and focusing on the material world around you. What can you see, smell, touch, taste, hear? Can you feel the Sun or hear the wind? Can you see a tree, a flower, an animal, an insect? Any form of beauty or natural wonder. Focus on the five senses, not on what you're feeling. Just do whatever you can to make each moment tolerable for yourself.
Some people get relief by (gently!) snapping a rubber band on their wrist to sort of bring them back into the here-and-now.
It's easy to think you have the worst chart in the world, but I assure you - there are worse! I believe the challenges in the chart are purposeful to teach us hard lessons and to make us stronger and wiser. On a soul level, you're working to untie some of the toughest knots, knots that have stymied your ancestors for generations. You're working through the ugly in people and in society, and it's pretty vile! I believe you are Indian? It's my understanding that Indian culture is extremely conformist, and there is a lot of bullying and mockery that goes on with anyone who is different. So you're overcoming some very gross dynamics that have tortured people for millennia in your culture! No wonder it's so hard.
Just know that the transits will pass. They are temporary. Suicide is not. Even two months is a tiny portion of a human life. Just take it day-by-day!
Ok thank you Willow - I think I’m only now understanding I’m too far into Scorpio South node. I’ve gotten so used to having to work on myself and focus on honouring my feelings (I have a lot of trauma around a childhood of severe invalidation, to the point where I have struggled life long with mental illness and emotional regulation), so I’ve found life forcing myhand for several years until I turned inward and faced my feelings, unlike the grown ups around me who had no patience with them. So I think with such a limited housebound life I just get into a loop of “here we go again, I have to be a deep sea diver and do inner work and plunge into the feelings”. Sadly it’s not something I can do easily.
I think I get it now - you’re saying to not focus on the emotional tsunami but to focus on feelings and sensations.
Amazingly enough I was desperate enough earlier today where I came across a licensed psychologists YouTube video (Daniel Fox) who said that he tells his clients to hold an ice cube to help them “snap out” of feeling completely consumed by strong emotions. I think the rubber band suggestion is a really good one Willow. Thank you!
Sadly you are right - I’m Indian and this country has a very dark social structure. What passes for love here is often obligation, fear and abuse. Teal Swan’s video on “Cut the Invisible Strings” lays it out clearly - she’s called out Indian culture because it’s one of the harshest; I’ve often sobbed wishing I was born in the west, even though it’s not perfect - it’s so much better for women and people who want authentic lives over there.
Someone once told me “you’re not Indian. You’re a European Soul that dropped into an Indian body and is wondering what you are doing here.” It’s amazing how I keep meeting kindred souls from Europe, if it hadn’t been for my health I think I would have moved there. There is kindness in India but the systemic misogyny and rigidity has felt like a life long prison. There is rising rage and intolerance here in what was once a relatively peaceful city, I’m afraid that even moving to a new apartment will only expose me to ever worsening rage from bullies - everyone seems so aggressive and rude this year. It’s not just me, I’ve had this fed back to me by other female acquaintances.
I’m not sure how but maybe someday I will feel some hope, I’m not sure there’s anywhere on Earth I will ever belong Willow. Maybe once Saturn stops screwing with my moon and Chiron , and then my sun and squaring Uranus next year (heart sinking !) I might have a different experience.
Thank you again dear Willow, I have stopped crying and amrying to not think about tomorrow. Just to eat, and some tv, and sleep. I’m totally housebound for now so will focus on food and looking out the window.
Today when I was struggling during work a huge eagle came and sat right outside my apartments balcony. He/she lives in the area but never comes to an occupied house balcony. All I saw was it flapping its wingtips beyond the balcony wall - but I stopped and let myself just notice it. Maybe it meant something - those eagles were the ones I used to look at in 2020 when I felt some hope and I imagined myself being as free as they were, soaring high above. maybe the eagle came to say hello.
I wish you so much happiness Willow. You are so kind. I have been thinking of reaching out to you for a consultation, but have felt afraid/ashamed. You are so gifted - I cannot tell you what a relief it is to have you see my suffering without me having to explain why. People around me can’t understand me and I can’t seem to get them to see my reality, so I feel very alone
I will hang on. I will go and eat and try and stay out of that pesky Scorpio south node.
Also I have thought of you while watching a favourite tv show. Anne with an E, set on Prince Edward Island. I watch it and think sometimes “that’s where a lovely kind soul called willow lives”.
How synchronistic Willow. With my own natal Jupiter in Scorpio and 8th house, I’ve delved into learning psychology (in an attempt to try and understand my own pain and fears), and I think I understand what you mean when you talk about Plutonic socialogical imagination - what you say makes so much sense.
In fact when I read those words you wrote, I immediately thought of a lovely character from the Anne with an E show (set in the 1800s I think), called Cole. He was artistic and sensitive and gay, and he got so badly bullied he left school entirely. In one moment of desperation he cries in from of Anne and says “There is no place on Earth for someone like me. I will never belong anywhere”. She cries and embraces him and says “You bring so much to the world”.
Suddenly that makes me realise what you say is true - people have been struggling with the same pain of bullying for millennia. I don’t quite know how I’m helping the collective, but maybe the fact I’m still here is something. I only wish those darn bullies could carry a bit of the plutonic style fun and games for a while (small smile).
PS. I know you probably don’t live on Prince Edward Island Willow, but I’ve read a little of your blog and I know you’re in Canada. That’s why Anne with an E makes me think of you, it’s set in Canada. Another favourite of mine is Being Erica, I wish I had access to more Canadian shows. Also a Tessa and Virtue fan, I love watching them on YouTube :)
Oops. Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue! Brain had a blip there
Oh, Jupiter in Scorpio in the 8th house! OK, yes. There's your double dose of Scorpionic Hell, and then the transiting South Node of the Moon in Scorpio is pulling you further in. You're meant to explore and understand the darkness in society and the emotional/psychological subtext that most people ignore/deny, to be sure. It's just that with Jupiter and the South Node in your 8th house, it can pull you under if you're not careful! Scorpio and 8th house are also related to death, so if things go too far...suicidal thoughts come up. The Taurus end of the polarity is one of the antidotes to balance things out and keep you out of that misery vortex.
The eagle is kind of the best of both worlds! It's a symbol of Scorpio, but it's also a part of the natural world/nature, which is Taurus. I agree that it visited you for a reason.
And with Cancer North Node, yes, working with your emotions, understanding what they're telling you, working your way out of childhood abuse/trauma, and using emotions as a guidance mechanism are all on path! Even being "stuck at home" is on path, as it will force you to listen to and develop the inner realms.
Again, I think it is the magnetic pull into misery indicated by the transiting South Node in Scorpio...with natal Jupiter in Scorpio in the 8th house. (Jupiter makes things bigger.) And the severe stress on your Moon and other natal placements right now. Very harsh, but temporary.
Anne of Green Gables was one of my favourite movies as a child, so I know the story well! That's very sweet of you. Thanks for sharing that. It's true - there are very many people who feel they don't belong on this planet! And with things as crazy and severe as they are, who could blame them? It's a tough gig, but we're making huge progress.
You still being here is ABSOLUTELY doing something for the collective. 100%. You're bringing much-needed awareness to chronic generational problems, cultural problems, misogyny, and terrible, terribly bullying, which is such a low and base thing.
I'm sorry society is this messed up that a lovely person like you receives such abuse and mistreatment. You are not alone. Please keep trying to stay with us here. We need all the people with Plutonic awareness that we can get. :-)
Dear Willow,
I just wanted to write in and wish you a very Happy Christmas.
I have just seen on the news yesterday that there is a severe winter storm that is hitting parts of Canada and America right now, and I hope you are warm and safe.
Thank you once again for helping me stay alive this year dear Willow. I have thought of your words many many many times and I have hung in there, and now I am asking the universe to send you safety and help if you need it. I certainly hope you are alright and you have power and warmth wherever you are.
Sending you love and good thoughts this Christmas, much love and hugs, Jas. I shall write a bit more later, for now am hoping for your being alright!
Thank you for your concern and well wishes, Jas! Yes, I'm fine. The media tends to hype up every storm out there these days, but Canadians are used to harsh weather. (Climate change hysteria, I'm sure. heh)
I'm glad you made it through and hope this year will be much better than the last.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a better 2023 ahead!
- Willow
Dear Willow,
I hope you are well.
I was hoping to reach out to you for a personal consultation. Sadly I am suicidal again (have been several times this year, somehow last years’s Saturn conjunct moon transit took such a toll on me I’m struggling to see hope even as Saturn has been cross crossing my sun).
I found my way back here because - you may have guessed it - The approaching Mars square Saturn contact this week has absolutely got me in a vice. Found myself today just feeling like I’m back at square one, caught between a rock and a hard place in a life where there is deadly difficulty just achieving any relationship ease or physical or emotional balance.
After a month of trying to recover from what has to be one of the world viral flus I’ve ever had, I’ve got the lovely diagnosis of bronchitis today. Forced to depend on someone who has abused and controlled me for life for recovery, today I reached a breaking point - J can never break free. My health just won’t let me. Nor do I have the support system and I just don’t want to go it alone anymore. It seems I am stumbling from one mars Saturn contact, to the next , always feeling like I’m back in the same space. Life just feels too arduous - and I see little hope for ease with my rudimentary understanding of transits. To me there’s just bad stuff on the horizon.
I have tried everything I can to help myself - therapy (does not help much), energy healing (got yelled at and told I was choosing to be a victim while havingpaid money I couldn’t afford to spend), body just feels like it’s failing since last year. I’ve had a few rare breadcrumbs of good things happening which felt marvellous (got a really nice boss this year even as I struggled to work), but I find myself no longer wanting to experience more of this challenging life. I understand now that no matter how much I try to change circumstances or myself, using absurd amounts of will and pushing myself just to keep trying, l am destined for the same c*ap to push itself in my face again. And again. And again. One person can only take so much defeat and disappointment!
(couldn’t fit this in one comment) ...
I’m doing everything I can before I call it quits Willow. Last year I made a promise to myself, that I would like to come back to you for a consultation in the future because you had been so lovely and kind to me during the year when very few even treated me as anything other than target practice, something to be judged or just forgotten.
May I please have a consult with you? I would very much like to make an informed decision before I call it quits. I really have no more stamina left, and whatever karmic hell im supppsed to endure endlessly in this life, I feel I have done my best and been punished enough.
I cannot keep carrying on hoping for a change when the entire universe has been hell bent on grinding me down to dust since 2007. Wonder Woman can do that if she likes, I’m done :)
I’d very much like to hear from someone who I can trust not to shame, blame, abandon or condemn me because “I’m not thinking positively enough” and “you create pain to manipulate people into helping you and that’s why people hate you”, and the best - I was sobbing in front of an energy healer asking why the universe won’t let up on hurting me brutally, even though I have been TRYING SO HARD with everything I have to change my life , only to be shouted at and told “you have to change your thoughts! Stop saying try! There’s no try, DO IT !” and givingme looks of disgust. Spiritual people can be so pious while being cruel, can’t they? *wry smile* You are so much the opposite Willow, you get it, and right now I feel safe reaching out to you like this.
I’d like to go from this life with some dignity, and some guidance from someone who is compassionate and articulate I don’t have money to survive for much longer (a year maybe) but hey - maybe I can use it to give myself peace and closure around what has been a ridiculous birth chart. 😆
And maybe you can tell me if you see anything with clear positive potential in my transit to come, there is no pressure for you to manufacture this in anyway dear widow.
If continued struggle is all you see in the near future, then I would be most grateful for an honest answer-as I look back today I find the thing that has hurt me the most in this life has been false hope that things may actually ease up. I tried that for a long long long time - sadly doesn’t work for me :)
I hope very much to hear from you Willow. Thank you SO MUCH for showing me that there ARE people like you who are willing to understand those who feel most abandoned and tortured. You are so lovely for doing that. I wish there were more like you - those who can truly see someone’s deep suffering and not condemn them for it. Then the world would truly be a nicer place to live in for souls like me!
I hope you’ve had a far better year than me, and I wish you tremendous good luck and joy! 🙂
Hi, Jas;
So sorry to hear these suicidal ideas have stayed with you. Yes, the toxic positivity-pushing and the idea that people are "creating their own suffering with their thoughts" are very detrimental things pushed by New Age practitioners. I've done a lot of work on deconstructing this kind of false spirituality and fake "love and light." You might be interested in some of that. It's under the label: Deconstructing the New Age Meme Complex
Yes, I do astrology readings on a near-continual basis, so you can book one any time. This is the link, or you can also purchase through Etsy: http://willowsweb.blogspot.com/p/purchase-reading.html
I've been warning about this period of time on Twitter as far as it being a time when suicidal thinking or actions could be heightened, so you are not alone. Mars-Saturn contacts often convince people that it will be this bad forever, but that is not true to reality. It's a time when people feel "under the gun" in certain ways. This Mars-Saturn square follows Scorpio season, which can also be a "dark night of the soul" type of time, so that can make it seem even worse. It won't be this bad forever! You can work your way out from under this. I firmly believe it. :-)
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